Brave, Not Fearless: Closing the Gap Between Who You Are and Who You Want to Be

When I played hockey, I felt like I was living two lives. The “me” on the ice was tough, competitive, ready to go. The “me” off the ice? Honestly, half the time I didn’t know who that was. And trying to keep those two versions straight was exhausting.

Maybe you’ve felt that too:

• The game version of you.

• The real-life version of you.

• And the constant switching back and forth.

It feels like you’re wearing two masks, and neither one really fits.

Here’s what I know now (and I wish I’d known it then):

• Everyone feels that gap.

• It doesn’t mean you’re broken.

• You can actually use it to grow.

Back then, I just wanted to be noticed. To be seen, heard, valued for who I was. I thought that made me weak. Turns out, that’s literally just being human.

But here’s where I messed up: I looked for that from everyone else first. Coaches. Teammates. Even strangers in the stands. What I didn’t realize was I had to give that to myself first.

• Confidence starts when you back yourself, even on bad days.

• Value shows up when you decide to show up as you, not some version you think people want.

• Worth doesn’t come from stats or wins. It comes from being real.

Hockey was never just a sport for me. It was a training ground for life. And life, just like hockey, doesn’t care if you’ve got it all figured out.

So here’s the part I wish someone had told me: stop trying to be fearless. Fearless isn’t a thing. I’ve never met an athlete who didn’t have doubts.

Be brave instead.

• Brave feels the fear.

• Brave feels the conflict.

• Brave shows up anyway.

Inside Edge is for athletes who get that. For the ones tired of playing two different roles and just want to be seen for who they are, not just how they perform.

Journal Prompt: Where do you feel the gap between who you are when you play and who you are when you step off the field (or ice)? What would “brave” look like for you in that space?

From Athlete to Therapist: The Story Behind Inside Edge

I played hockey all my life. My life revolved around the sport. When I turned 22 and graduated college my hockey career ended. I was met with a question I had never thought about before ‘who am I if I am not a hockey player’ and with that Inside Edge Therapy was born. 

I started playing hockey when I was 4 or 5 years old, the way most kids in Minnesota do, on a pond in the backyard. I watched my older brother playing and as soon as I could skate I fell in love. My mind went quiet on the ice and I felt more confident than I ever had. 

As I got older, I started to become more competitive. I was good and it felt good to get that feedback from coaches and peers. I started to get selected for high level teams and even competed at the national level with USA development camps. What I did not expect and was not prepared for was the pressure that came along with these opportunities. 

I began to silently struggle and didn’t know how to talk about what was going on.

I didn’t have the language for how I was feeling, but what I was experiencing was anxiety. I was struggling with performance anxiety, fear of failure, self-doubt, and constant pressure to prove myself. From the outside, I looked like I had it all together. On the inside, I was overwhelmed. The sport I loved had started to feel like a job I couldn’t quit, and I didn’t know who I was without my success on the ice. 

No one was really talking about the mental side of performance; not in a way that felt real. I didn’t know therapy could be for athletes. I didn’t know you could sit down with someone who understood the grind, the burnout, the expectations, and the identity loss that can come when the sports ends; whether you choose it or not. 

When I eventually left the game, it wasn’t a clean break. I grieved it. I questioned everything I thought I knew about myself. And that’s when I started to rebuild. 

I went on to earn my master’s degree in Social Work and become a licensed therapist. The more I learned about mental health, identity, and resilience, the more I wished I could go back in time and talk to that 16-year-old version of me who felt like she couldn’t mess up or let anyone down. The truth is, she wasn’t alone and neither are you. 

Inside Edge Therapy was born from that space. From the gap I felt as an athlete. From the silence that so many high performers live in. My mission is to help athletes and performers of all kinds find their voice again and to navigate pressure without losing themselves in it.